Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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