just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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