Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
