i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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