the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
