Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Drunk is not a location!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
