when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
