it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
