My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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