Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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