He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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