For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
