you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
