Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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