i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
