i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.