the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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