We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
