Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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