I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.