craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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