Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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