Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
