i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
