burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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