what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
