I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
