"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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