A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
