do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
