Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
