i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
