every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
