i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
