The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
