I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
