ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
