you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
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I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
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It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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