# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
