friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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