My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Your dad touched me again.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
