Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
