I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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