thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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