I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
