so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
