yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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