He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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