I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
