Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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