I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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