i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
