Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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