There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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