You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
