i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
