i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
