she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
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I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
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I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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