Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
