Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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