I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
