Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my sisters under your porch take her home
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
