That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
