epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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