You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
