You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
