I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
