I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
