I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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