You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
