Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
