I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
