My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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