I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
