Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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