that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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