cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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