your parents love me but you hate me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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