i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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