I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
