I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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