:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
